The Way I Live My Life… is something that I will learn from and grow from.
Have you ever met a person who lives on the negative side of the street? I am feeling like my stories may put me in the “Negative Nelly” category lately but I want to assure you and let you all know that my intentions of sharing are not to dwell on the negative and live in the past (referring to yesterday’s post), but to share what I am going through and see if I can shatter some of the walls that are so often built for people who live with ‘hidden illnesses’ like depression and anxiety.
Okay, now that I got that little schpeal out of the way (which is really spelled spiel but I like it my way better)… I want to share with you a thought our two on how I hope to be someday…
I hope to be sitting around with my family or friends telling stories of the good times I had when I was little. I want to talk to my grandkids about the fun I had when I was a girl on the farm (who didn’t really farm at all). I want to talk about the times I pretended to be in dog shows with my dog, Jasper. I want to recall and tell the stories of the days that we had to say goodbye to Jasper, Cooper, and Itchy and because they are family the fact that we all gathered together to dig their graves and cover them with rocks, crosses and sticks.
What I do not hope to do is dwell on the past so much that it defines me and makes me into a negative person. I want to sit back and say you know what, it hurt when Trevor’s dad and I didn’t make things work in the end. It hurt when my Grandparents died. It was crap-tastic that I wasn’t sure if my dad would make it home for a basketball game or not because he was working so hard to provide for us…(Mom only missed one that I can think of… because Jacki had surgery). Was it so horrible that dad wasn’t there, no. It was just fine. Did he wish he was there, I am sure he does. But am I going to cry a river about my dad missing the games. No… it is just an example of how things were. Am I going to dwell on the negative parts of my first marriage? Absolutely not. There were good times and it was and is important that Trevor knows that. We have videos and pictures to look back on. We have pictures and videos of our life after the change. Trevor’s fortunate to have two incredible families who love him and the extended family is so huge it is hard to fathom.
I have a friend who had a more ‘interesting’ childhood than mine and she and I were talking about it the other day. We could all dwell on the crap that went down in our lives that hurt us or was hard, but what good will that do? Did the past mold us and shape us into who we are? Yes it did and does, but it doesn’t have to define us. It is important to take the past and learn from it and pull the good from it all. I am starting to sound like I am giving a graduation speech. Not my intention…
So… get to the point already, Robin. Just spit it out…
I really don’t know how to say it in any other way than just saying this… I am grateful for the joys of my life, the pains as well. Each and every thing that happens makes me who I am, but what is important is “I” get to decide what to do with the good and the bad. “I” get to decide who I am going to be and “I” choose to grow old and sit around and shoot the shit about the good times.
The island between my dining room and kitchen is nearly done. It was formerly known as the Island of Despair but will no longer be living up to its name. Baby steps!!!
Just for Today…
1. Jackson asked for more of my “famous’” hot dish. But Chad took it to work.
2. Jacki trusted her children to my care and I was able to help her out.
3. Sophia napped, Jaylee napped and Jackson has been super good.
4. Blogged 2 days in a row.
5. I have fruits and veggies in my fridge and the kids are eating them.
Back to my island and kitchen counters and floor…