The way I live my life is affecting my mood with my kids. It is so ridiculous that we can’t go from the house to the car to go somewhere and not have issues finding something. I used to be very good at keeping track of everything amongst the disorder but as I have aged and gained a few more kids along the way, my brain space can’t hold on to as much.
Another way it is affecting my kids is this… when I ask them to do something it is too overwhelming because things are too messy and hard to comprehend. Right now, it is Emma’s job to feed the cats and I would love for her to take on the scooping of the kitty litter each day. But, right now, the path to the food and litter is blocked by a huge pile of laundry. The pile serves a purpose but looks terrible and doesn’t work well for the purpose it is serving. So, who cares and why am I telling you this. I really don’t know. I just need to bang this out on keyboard to see if it will clear itself out in my head. I need to find a way to keep the cat food (and poo) eating dog and the kitty litter digging baby out of the space while still allowing Emma easy access.
Today (much like this post) has been up and down and up and down for me. Primarily up… which is good. The yuk came in the form of a dream. The bonus here… I was asleep in order to dream. The downside, someone very close and important to me died in the dream. One of those very real dreams and it was hard to wake up from it and then when I did, it was hard to shake the feelings that were a part of the dream. So, needless to say, I did try to make a change in the relationship I have with that person and it was a good thing. Pretty sure. Will find out in the next few weeks when I keep showing up on that person’s door step.
The other yuk moment was during the ‘let’s get the living room picked up before we go to the farm’ time. The girls could not believe I needed them to clean it all. The WHOLE thing. Emma was crying on the phone to my mom (literally) about having to do this incredibly unfair job. Clearly I have done something wrong and need to back up and fix it before it is way too late. So, part of this The Way I Live journey is admitting I have problems, acknowledging they are real and not just talking about it, but FIXING it. The living room did get picked up. The girls did live through it but it wasn’t an easy thing for them to do. But guess what? They were proud of it and how it felt when we got home. So, some good came from it. Now… to maintain.
Worked out this morning. Was late getting there (remember the dream and the sleep and the fuzzy fog I was in). Had a nice workout. Finished everything that was asked of me. Came home and ZONKED out. Woke up to Sophia giving me kisses. She is learning the noise that goes with kissing. You know, the smooch sound.
Ran a bunch of errands after getting back from the farm. Just had Olivia and Sophia so it was not as challenging. Picked up a cute chair from someone in town that was getting rid of it. Yesterday I picked up a comforter set from another lady as well. I am going to put them in Olivia/Sophia’s room (Olivia sleeps wherever Emma is but has a room with Sophia). It really makes no sense but she is basically a middle kid and a drifter.
Anyway, getting those errands done the last couple of days felt good. No, Jodi… I am not going to become a huge fan of errands, but getting some things crossed off the list felt damn good.
Have you ever heard people say, “If only I was motivated to do something about this or that?” Well, I am learning that motivation is not the key ingredient. ACTION is. Action leads you to more action and more action and changes occur because of ACTION, not because of motivation. Everyone has motivation. Everyone! What some of us are lacking and don’t realize is ACTION. So, if you are considering making changes in your life stop looking to be ‘moved by motivation’. Let the action take over and you will find yourself humming right along after a few weeks pass.
Off to bed. Need to get ready for humpday tomorrow (which as you read this is today), but I am writing on Tuesday night so… sorry to confuse anyone.