May I begin by saying, what the hell… June 12th. Really, it is already June 12th. Which is a lovely reminder – GO VOTE if you are local.
The Way I Live is an interesting place. I tried to blog last night about something really important, but I didn’t work out yesterday. I didn’t do much at all. And as a result, I was all blah. I have another reason I am blah and that is because I have not been taking my vitamin D. I am off to buy more today. Can’t find the two bottles I bought in May. That is one of the down sides of the way I live my life. Disorganization is costly.
My life is a work in progress and as I am pulling my way back into the world of the happy and alive from the craptastic year of no sun and sleeping all the time (although I need to point out… LOVED being with my baby girl).
Again… off topic. Maybe the theme of my blog posts are going to be the incredible disjointedness that is my writing.
Okay, today is a new day. Right? Of course it is. So… here I go.
I got up and went to work out. It was incredibly hard to do the things I was asked today. My body was tired. Not sure my sleep is all that great. Particularly after Chad told me I was not breathing the other night. That’s always a shocking thing to hear. I also planned to go do my run (using that term very loosely) after my weight training. So, off I went and had myself all psyched out and not wanting to run at all. But, I decided it can’t hurt to try and then you are done with W4D1 of C25K and you can say… DONE. So, I ran all but 2.5 minutes of the running parts. Not too bad for someone with no energy who was cold and is not feeling well. Jodi and Amanda were there and they were looking mighty fine running around the track. They even did some running together so I snapped some phone pics (not good ones but snapped them anyway). Don’t forget to follow Jodi’s journey at www.touchingyourheart.net (my sister blog). I have some posts over there as well from long ago.
While I was running I did some thinking. Last night I tried and tried to blog and had so little to say. Jodi told me… don’t force it. So, I didn’t. The blog I wrote disappeared from my program I am using and that is fine. It wasn’t all that incredible anyway.
While I was running today I was thinking about the fact that I had done some counseling this year and need to quick share my thoughts. While I know there are great counselors out there in the world, I have yet to find one for me. When I went to a psychologist a few years back he and I clicked but he was in Bismarck and suggested I see a counselor more local. Well, having no follow through in my life, I didn’t do that. When my first marriage was falling apart I had hoped to find a marriage counselor to help figure things out. That was a disaster and is a story for another day. Needless to say, I was in contact and unsuccessful with 3 counselors in a few short weeks. Part of me wonders if I have a hard time finding a counselor person because if I don’t like what they say I may give up too soon, but I really don’t know if that is it. This last time around, I went to a lady weekly, complained about my life, didn’t solve a single issue and was given no tools to help me get through each day. The one thing I did gain from this lady was… Depression is a hard thing to deal with. People who have never been there don’t get it. People who are in it… not sure they get it either when it is new to them. She mentioned needing to dig my way out of the depression and that is something that stuck with me. It feels like clawing your way out of a hole. A hole that you didn’t know you were in.
So, get to the point Robin… get to the point. I want to say that while I am writing about my own experiences right now, everyone is going to be different. I am going to continue to take my meds for PMDD/depression, I am not going to try to find a new counselor (I have one living across the street), I am going to to continue my workouts and I know they are helping me, I am going to continue my vitamin D (and start some B after I go shopping for them today), and I am going to keep writing. There are many different ways to dig out of the hole and I am going to try this one for now.
Just for Today:
1. Workouts complete.
2. Chiro appointment (yippy for me!!!)
3. Drinking a protein drink (and it isn’t too nasty)
4. Going to go nap while my kids are still asleep. (I could stay up and do stuff, but this is my chance to rest and since I am sick… going to do it.)
5. Water intake is a GOAL for today. I have been dropping the ball on my water these last few days.