First Fire…

Of the summer and it was just me and the girls.  Rather enjoyed it.  Here are a few quick pics. 

I will begin by saying, Sophia has a runny nose and it needed to be wiped.  Being outside without tissues; however, made that a difficult task.  Could have used my blanket but didn’t really want it all snotty.

 

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She really enjoyed the little camping chair.  The images are not great because I was trying to avoid using my flash at all costs.  So my shutter speed is really too slow for the situation, but I snapped these anyway.

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This kid cracks me up (and makes me crazy) each and every day.  She is happy to have her picture taken and you will notice by how many Emma is in these days that Emma does not.  Might have to bribe her one of these days.

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The fire as photographed by Olivia.  She does quite a nice job with the camera.

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Chillin’ in her chair.

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One of all three girls at the fire.  The big girls thought it was necessary to blow on the fire for some reason.  Again, I was not wanting to use flash, but had to since it was dark.  I tried to use my hand to deflect it and it cause issues.  Primary purpose of the image… to document the night and not let it pass by just because I didn’t get the picture perfect.

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Adjusted the settings and shut off my flash.  Ahhh, a bit better.  Gotta love Olivia and her hat.  What a nut case!

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Just for Today:
1.  I found my meds (but not my vitamins).  I think I left them in Tioga.  Going to purchase new ones tomorrow.
2.  Glad I randomly decided to have a fire with my girls.  Marshmallows were missing but we had a lovely time.
3.  Off to bed so I can rise for my 4:55 workout and run.  (I have decided I don’t really care for days that I am not working out.  They feel a bit wasted.)

Onward!

The Way I Live … [6-9-12]

The Way I Live is still a wreck.  Why wouldn’t it be, it has been one day since I started to blog this process.  This day my husband was home for the day, which is different for me.  I had a busy day scheduled though.  Running at 11, golf meeting at 2, and work out at 4.  So, for breakfast, I talked DH into going out to eat.  It drives him crazy because the girls are too much for him in the restaurant.  I digress…

Anyway, yesterday I posted a list on the door of things I wanted to accomplish and I don’t think I accomplished any of them for the day.  I did not make a time line commitment to the list and I need to, but will likely have to get help from Jodi and Amanda to help make it realistic. 

Some people in my life are likely wondering how I could have been without a job for an entire year staying home with my kids and not accomplish anything.  The short and easy answer to that is depression.  I have been in a foggy funk that I couldn’t describe to anyone if I had to.  The commercials you see on TV about depression meds and how it makes your body ache and tired, your mind tired, and all that… it is real. SO real.

I have been taking meds for PMDD for years.  Without the meds I was a bit too much to take certain weeks of the year if you know what I mean.  Those meds were doing all they could and it wasn’t enough.  I had other issues that I was not aware of.

My dear neighbor knew something was messed up with me and was patiently waiting for me to find a way out of the darkness I was in.  I was sitting in my house day in and day out sleeping  and feeding my baby girl.  I was doing very little in my home and things have been piling up around us.  But quite frankly I didn’t care.  Why was I so blah?  Why was accomplishing absolutely nothing?

Fast forward to an appointment with the doctor for a cough that was keeping me awake at night and causing headaches and gut aches (ab strengthening), and to be honest once again… was making me pee my pants.  Have you ever coughed until you piddled your drawers?  Well, if you haven’t – you are lucky.  Anyway… I need to point out another issue I have (Adulthood Attention Deficit Disorder)… Can you tell from my disjointed posts?

I went to the doctor for my cough.  I just wanted a bottle of STRONG (knock you on your ass) cough syrup.  Nope.  I am sitting there with the new doctor lady in town (LOVE HER) and she says in a variety of ways that I am overweight and look like hell.  This is on the first of our meetings.  Gotta love the truth.  Anyway, she wondered about my thyroid and a number of other issues.  I had no answers.  I have three young children and a boy in college, did she really think I was going to know the last time I had my OWN thyroid checked.  So, we decided to run some blood work and figure out if there was something more to my blah appearance and the overall look of unhealthy. 

We found an answer… Vitamin D deficiency.   Dr. T. likes her patients to run a vitamin D level of about 50 (range of 30 to 80).  I had the lowest that she had seen.  Yep, she used the word “rickets” and was very concerned for me.  “What was the number?” you ask.  I had a vitamin D level of 9.  So, she started me on a vitamin D supplement program and here I am.  Well, I was doing quite well taking the vitamins for awhile and have since fallen off the wagon.  Need to get back on that wagon (or jodi will come down on me).  Why have I stopped?  Because I can’t find the damn vitamin bottles since I went to Tioga the middle of May.  Takes me back to where this blog begins… The Way I Live is not working for me.

Some people may wonder what the hell I am sharing all of this for.  Well, because I want people to know that depression is real, Dr’s can help you, and listen to your friends.  They know you better than yourself sometimes.

Tomorrow I start a new bit of my walk with wellness.  I am joining a group my cousin has started and will be learning and sharing with others on a 12 week Journey to Fit.  Can’t wait to see where it takes me.

In the mean time.  So I don’t beat myself up too much… I will list a few things I am proud of Just for Today!

Just For Today
1.  I have been working out with my trainer long enough that I had to pay him again. 
2.  I completed W3D3 of my C25K program and did the running parts without too much difficulty.
3.  I am drinking lots of water.
4.  I am off to set goals for my Journey to Fit. 

Onward!

The way I live…

The way I live my life is driving me crazy and needs to change.  There are days I am perfectly fine the way I do things and I convince myself that it is all good because I have so much to be thankful for.  And I do.  But, the disorganization, the horrible foods I eat (and feed my kids), the mess everywhere is making me lose my mind these days.

So, I am going to do something about it.  I have to.  I need to try and do better for my family.  I am going to beat the depression that has been pushing me down and pull myself further out of it One Day at a Time (a song my Grandma and I would sing and some words to live by).

This blog is going to be hard for me.  I have not decided how raw I am willing to go online.  I need to pray about that some more.  But for now, I am going to share what I am ready to share and post privately what I am not quite willing to let go of.

Today, June 9, 2012, I am proud of myself for some accomplishments in the last month.  I started working out 3 days a week with a trainer.  I had to commit to being a morning person since I don’t want to take my kids with me (or rather can’t).  I go workout at 4:55 AM.  Yes, you read that correctly!  I, Robin Osendorf-Welch, am trying to change myself into a morning person.  I honestly have not minded the mornings.  Not sure if it is because I have a quick and short walk to my destination for working out or what.  Maybe it is just the way it is.  Some mornings I get up and go running with my neighbor friends (family) Jodi and Amanda.  You can read about Jodi’s journey (with some mixed in bits about me and Amanda) on the blog located at www.touchingyourheart.net.  I love my morning walk/runs with them.  Primary reason, it is beautiful out. Secondly, they are a joy to be around. And finally, my girls are still in bed.  As much as I love my children.  Working out with them around is a bit much for me.

So, there is one change I am making to make The Way I Live better.  Onto another BIG change for me.  I stopped drinking Coke and am drinking primarily water.  Anyone who has spent any amount of time around me knows I was a huge Coke drinker.  Like more than 6 cans a day Coke drinker.  It was getting to the point where Emma was starting to want to drink it too often so I knew I had to stop.  Plus the empty calories and stained teeth, the expense, the cans everywhere…

When I first stopped the soda, I was drinking some juices and other things to get me by but I am really not interested in them anymore.  It just feels awesome to be putting something in my mouth that I know is good for me no matter what.  Thought I would save money on the soda thing, but… now I am putting those dollars into toilet paper.  Mylanta… do I pee a lot and I am happy to report is is almost crystal clear.  Yep, a pee report on my blog.

Now, I have many people wanting me to get Zumba going in town.  And that is going to happen.  I promise.  Thing is, I had to make a few changes in my own life before I could start making commitments to other people.  I have to schedule the times and nail down a couple of hour long routines before I am ready to stand in front of all the world and be the leader.  I am here to tell you… it is so damn fun.  I absolutely love doing it.  And I am happy to report I was able to do the entire training which began at 8:30 and ran to 5:00 PM at my current size and fitness level.  Actually, I was less strong then and less in shape.  I generally joke about weighing in at 120 pounds, but in reality… that is off about 100 pounds.  Yep, I said that aloud too.  Can’t believe I did, but I did.

So… this is getting long.  I am going to shut things down and come back tomorrow or later tonight for the next post.  For those of you who are reading this wondering where are the photos of the cute children… they will come.  They will be scattered between the posts about ME.  Posts about ME and the changes I am making in The Way I Live.

My Grandma Muschka and I used to sing a song together (as I mentioned a moment ago)… I have posted about it on my blog before.  Anyway… One part I love is this….

Help me believe in what I could be, and all that I am.
Show me the stairway I have to climb.
Lord, for my sake, teach me to take
One Day at a Time.

Just for Today: I am drinking the water and tomorrow is a workout day.  Might have to take the girls for a run tonight.

Onward!