The Way I Live [6-28-12]

The Way I Live… is changing!  Part of that change is because of some people who have inspired me to change and part of it is because I am ready for change.  In order for change to happen, a person has to be ready.  I received a message a couple of days ago from someone I admire who has been making changes since March.  She told me that she put on a pair of shorts the other day and when she tried to walk around in them… they fell to her knees.  INCREDIBLE news for her.  Makes my entire week that I got that message.  Today’s message was a bit less exciting (she has some tummy issues while working out… not good). 

Anyway, Jodi, over at www.touchingyourheart.net started blogging her journey and called it “Enough is Enough”.  Super proud of her and her daughter, Amanda, who has become quite an important part of my life.  She went from being my neighbor’s daughter to a true friend.  What an incredible blessing! 

I am not going to go on and on and on today (well not right now)… but wanted to share this video with you (and see how easy or not) it was to post a video to my blog.  So, here they are… The Tivey girls out for a morning RUN!

So, just a quick thanks to Jodi, Amanda, and Sarah for being such an inspiration to me.  Eden… you got this too.  One day at a time is the key!  Don’t let one weekend knock you off your path.  Another thank you to Chad real quick.  I made the decision to get up EARLY since it was the best chance for “ME” time and he has willingly stayed home with the 3 sleeping girls.  Doesn’t sound like much, but it is a pretty big deal for me to leave them here and not have to worry about them.

Not going to do my Just For Today until later today… so maybe 3 posts.  We shall see. 

Oh forget it…

Just For Today
1.  Run went well.
2.  Smoothie mix is here and my Magic Bullet is working beautifully (thanks Brenda)
3.  I get to go back to bed for a bit.

Onward!

The Way I Live… [6-27-12]

The Way I Live freaks me out sometimes.  If any of you stopped to visit I would be embarrassed by the state of my home.  I have three (maybe four) loads of clean but unfolded laundry sitting on the table and chairs.  The counter between the kitchen and the dining room is covered with ‘stuff’, the entry is full of shoes, the hallway is full of laundry… the list goes on.  I have considered showing the world pictures of the before and after of it all, but the after doesn’t come very often.  In previous years of my life, I have taken photos and videos and wanted to send them to Oprah so Peter Walsh would come and save me from myself.  Well, I never sent them and he has never made it to North Dakota that I am aware of. 

I need to make a goal and put a plan in action for the house just like I did for my ‘fitness’.  I was about to type that I don’t really have a goal, but I do.  I have a goal to finish Shape Magazine’s Diva Dash in Boulder, CO at the end of July.  I also plan to run a marathon relay in September.  So, yes, I do have some fitness goals, but they are not the kind I would normally set.  You know the ones we all set… I will be a size 2 by Independence Day next year because I want to wear a bikini.  Well, first of all, I will never be a size 2 (my husband would probably leave me) and I am too old for a bikini.  I have a thing about bikinis.  Not sure what age is appropriate for them, but here are my thoughts.  Kids are too little for them and moms are too old for them.  So that really leaves college students without kids.  Anyway… my adulthood ADD took over my writing again…

I saw a quote the other day that said something like this… “A goal without a plan is only a wish.”  I really liked that.  I have had a dream or idea in my head for several years now and have done very little about it.  I keep taking steps but have never sat down and mapped out a plan for this ‘dream’.  I need to decide if I am going to turn this dream into a goal or continue to let it be only a wish (or a dream).  More on that someday… maybe.

All the dreams in the world mean very little for me right now if I don’t get my act together for my family.  I am working on my fitness levels and trying to use exercise and water drinking as a spring board to get me out of my depression.  As a part of that depression my home has gotten worse.  I was a horrible example and mother for Emma this last school year.  She was supposed to do homework assignments and read things but we just never did the stuff she was supposed to do.  Not only that, the poor kid was late for school a lot.  When I saw her report card, it broke my heart.  It wasn’t her fault she was late to school.  It was my fault.  I need to do better for my kids.  That is something that will be mapped out before school starts this fall.  I promise you (all 10 readers) that I will do better for them. 

As far as my home, I need to sit down and make a plan.  The dream or wish that I have of my home being a better place (not a perfect place) can only come to realization if I make a plan and map it out.  Then I have to follow through.  That is where you (my 10 readers) come in.  I will be reporting back to you on my progress with the depression, the fitness, the house, and all the rest from here on out.

I really don’t know if I have a point to my message today other than to be here and make sure I am posting so I don’t let this fall through like I let things fall through all the time.

So, here is what I am going to ask from you my readers… PRAY FOR RAIN – RELIEF – and the fires to stop.  Colorado needs everyone to pray for them right now.  Other fires are out there too so pray for everyone and all the fires.. but keep Colorado and all its people in your thoughts and prayers this week.

Just for Today…
1.  Water did pretty good today.
2.  Sophia went to bed at a decent time.
3.  Was able to work today at Bowman Glass (ahhhhhh)
4.  House isn’t a million and ten degrees.
5.  I am off to bed before 11.

Onward!

The Way I Live [6-24-12]

The Way I Live my life is sometimes quite busy.  I had a busy week working at Bowman Glass, working on my working out, and to finish the weekend… going on a little getaway with my parents.

At Bowman Glass, I did things I never thought I would do.  Broke ALOT of glass… which I guess is a part of the business. At one point, the boss man said something about me wanting to be ‘better than everyone else’ and the more I think about it, the more I think he has a point.  I did want to be able to do the window glass perfect the first try just so I could be the one that did it on her first try.  Guess what Robin… you can’t be better than the rest and be perfect at all things. 

Perfection… there’s a word that doesn’t seem to apply to me (if you have seen the real true ‘way I live’) and our home.  But, here’s the thing.  I think I do want perfection and that is why I get frozen and stuck sometimes.  My mind plays a funny trick and if whatever it is can’t be perfect then I don’t know if I can do it at all.  Dumb, I know… and something I really need to work on for getting out of the slump I am in and the hole I have dug myself into.  Realizing these little bits about myself are a key to the process so… just need to move forward and know that life and living it and being present in it is a process and perfection is not really any option.

Ran my end of the week workout for the C25K program on Friday morning (learning to LOVE mornings).  Yep, I said it again.  Maybe the morning thing is not such a bad deal.  Anyway, it was 20 minutes continuous run with no walk breaks.  I did take a couple of 30 t0 60 second walk breaks because my lower back was ON FIRE.  It hurt so bad and the more I ran the hotter it go and the more I messed up my ‘gait’ and the more it burned.  I did accomplish what I had set out to accomplish and didn’t give up and didn’t walk a bunch.  Just needed to push through some things and did some major stretching when I was done.  Jodi was there with me (Jodi’s Interpretation of the Morning Run) and I was glad to have here there.  She and Amanda are such a great support system and I feel like my grumpy faced running with few words of encouragement isn’t a fair trade for them, but in time I will be more smile loaded… I am sure I will.

The weekend was great fun for me.  Took off on Saturday at 11 to go to Bismarck to see some very old friends of our family.  Kenny and Eunice Rants had their 50th Wedding Anniversary in Bismarck.  We were invited and honored to attend.  It was great to see Kenny and Eunice, eat cake, and hang out with our neighbors.  Dallas and Evie Miller were there and all their kids came.  So we got to spend time with Teri, Ryan and Julie, and Dwight, Jess and Katlyn (not sure how to spell her name correctly).  Also got to see Dale and Redgie Hande at the party.  It was me, Mom, Dad and my girls.  We stayed at a motel and the girls and I did a little swimming on Saturday night and Sunday morning.  The pool wasn’t too cold so it was quite nice.  A part of my weekend that could have felt rushed and too busy ended up being so enjoyable and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

This afternoon I had to go workout for a bit so Trevor was here with the girls.  Emma was primarily in charge since I would only be gone for a short time.  I told her to let Trevor know if there were any issues.  Well, upon my return she announced that Sophia had been crying and whining too much so she decided to put her down for a nap.  She took her to the bedroom, plopped her on the bed, gave her a paci, and snuggled with her singing Bye-Oh, Bye-Oh.  A song sung by Grandma Muschka for years to babies as she rocked them to sleep.  Sophia loves the song and sings it herself as she is trying to relax.  I couldn’t believe little Emma (age 7) took it upon herself to put the peanut down for a nap. 

The heat is getting to me right now and I am supposed to be going to bed sooner than later these days.  My boss man at Bowman Glass tells me 10:00 should be my bedtime.  Not sure how that will work out, but I can give it a try to get there close to that time.  All a part of the process I guess.  Moving my bedtime will take time.  Getting enough sleep will take time.  Eating the right foods will take time.  Cleaning my house and making it a place we can all live and be happy and comfortable… well, that may take a life time, but baby steps and realizing it is a process will help.  Perfection will rear its ugly head at me and I will work my way through the bags and boxes and totes of kids things and move on with life.  One Day at a Time… That’s All I’m Asking of ME.

Just for Today…
1.  Loved the weekend with old friends.
2.  Had a fantastic time swimming with my girls (even if I may have been mistaken for a whale).
3.  Received a comment on my blog from someone that I never thought I would hear from… and made my entire year!
4.  Drank lots of water today.
5.  Spent some time on the deck in the coolness outside (hot hot hot in the house blech).

Onward!

The Way I Live…[6-20-12]

The way I live my life is changing.  Yep, I said it.  The last couple of days have felt pretty good.  Now, I just need to stick with the momentum and let the ACTIONS keep me moving forward.  The problem I have run into in the past is that I go and go and then peter out.

Today is likely going to be a double blog post day.  We shall see.  I am going to quickly tell about my morning and then going to go back to bed for a bit.  I should just shower, but really I want to rest a few minutes more.

Anyway, today marked the middle of my journey to a 5K run.  I started working through a program called Couch to 5K and downloaded the app on my phone.  The workout for today was 8 minutes jog, 5 minutes walk, and finally 8 minutes jog.  When I saw this would be my workout for today I was a bit nervous about it.  So far, 5 minutes was my max ‘run’ interval.  So… I got up at 4:45 – got dressed and off I went.  And… here I am DONE! 

Took my vitamins and meds, worked out, and now it is time for a sliver of a rest.  Off to “work” today.  I love my job so much that when I am there I don’t know that it should be called work.  Thanks Tivey Family for letting me be a part of your incredible journey at Bowman Glass. 

Off to rest for now…

And I did rest for a bit this morning and finally pulled myself out of bed and went to work.  I will tell you, I really enjoy my new job.  More than I can really put into words.  I have done very rewarding work for many years as a speech-language pathologist but doing what I am doing to help out at Bowman Glass is really quite fun.  Do I miss the kids at school, yes.  Do I miss my friends I worked with, yes.  But I didn’t miss my baby Sophia’s first year.  And, I have had a chance to spend extra time with Olivia that I needed as well.  Did I fall into my depression deeper because of the events of this last year… I think so.  That is a story for another day. 

Recap of my busy day before bed…

5:00 am run
Short nap
Showered (a big deal to someone who was in the slump I was this year)
Kids to day care and me to work
Picked up kids and went to baseball game
Kids to bed
Writing this blog post
Off to bed

I am quite tired and will be happy to get up and do the crazy again tomorrow.

Just for Today…

1.  I am grateful for great childcare.
2.  I enjoy crossing things off lists and throwing away the paper that had the list on it.
3.  Water was a bit of a struggle but enjoying some protein smoothies as a snack/breakfast
4. Took my meds, added vitamin B (yuk)
5.  Going to bed before midnight…. Ahhh…

The Way I Live… [6-19-12]

The way I live my life is affecting my mood with my kids.  It is so ridiculous that we can’t go from the house to the car to go somewhere and not have issues finding something.  I used to be very good at keeping track of everything amongst the disorder but as I have aged and gained a few more kids along the way, my brain space can’t hold on to as much.

Another way it is affecting my kids is this… when I ask them to do something it is too overwhelming because things are too messy and hard to comprehend.  Right now, it is Emma’s job to feed the cats and I would love for her to take on the scooping of the kitty litter each day.  But, right now, the path to the food and litter is blocked by a huge pile of laundry.  The pile serves a purpose but looks terrible and doesn’t work well for the purpose it is serving.  So, who cares and why am I telling you this.  I really don’t know.  I just need to bang this out on keyboard to see if it will clear itself out in my head.  I need to find a way to keep the cat food (and poo) eating dog and the kitty litter digging baby out of the space while still allowing Emma easy access.

Today (much like this post) has been up and down and up and down for me.  Primarily up… which is good.  The yuk came in the form of a dream.  The bonus here… I was asleep in order to dream.  The downside, someone very close and important to me died in the dream.  One of those very real dreams and it was hard to wake up from it and then when I did, it was hard to shake the feelings that were a part of the dream.  So, needless to say, I did try to make a change in the relationship I have with that person and it was a good thing.  Pretty sure.  Will find out in the next few weeks when I keep showing up on that person’s door step.

The other yuk moment was during the ‘let’s get the living room picked up before we go to the farm’ time.  The girls could not believe I needed them to clean it all.  The WHOLE thing.  Emma was crying on the phone to my mom (literally) about having to do this incredibly unfair job.  Clearly I have done something wrong and need to back up and fix it before it is way too late.  So, part of this The Way I Live journey is admitting I have problems, acknowledging they are real and not just talking about it, but FIXING it.  The living room did get picked up.  The girls did live through it but it wasn’t an easy thing for them to do.  But guess what? They were proud of it and how it felt when we got home.  So, some good came from it.  Now… to maintain.

Worked out this morning.  Was late getting there (remember the dream and the sleep and the fuzzy fog I was in).  Had a nice workout.  Finished everything that was asked of me.  Came home and ZONKED out.  Woke up to Sophia giving me kisses.  She is learning the noise that goes with kissing.  You know, the smooch sound.

Ran a bunch of errands after getting back from the farm.  Just had Olivia and Sophia so it was not as challenging.  Picked up a cute chair from someone in town that was getting rid of it.  Yesterday I picked up a comforter set from another lady as well.  I am going to put them in Olivia/Sophia’s room (Olivia sleeps wherever Emma is but has a room with Sophia).  It really makes no sense but she is basically a middle kid and a drifter.

Anyway, getting those errands done the last couple of days felt good.  No, Jodi… I am not going to become a huge fan of errands, but getting some things crossed off the list felt damn good. 

Have you ever heard people say, “If only I was motivated to do something about this or that?”  Well, I am learning that motivation is not the key ingredient.  ACTION is.  Action leads you to more action and more action and changes occur because of ACTION, not because of motivation.  Everyone has motivation.  Everyone!  What some of us are lacking and don’t realize is ACTION.  So, if you are considering making changes in your life stop looking to be ‘moved by motivation’.  Let the action take over and you will find yourself humming right along after a few weeks pass.

Off to bed.  Need to get ready for humpday tomorrow (which as you read this is today), but I am writing on Tuesday night so… sorry to confuse anyone. 

Onward!

The Way I Live… [6-19-12]

The way I live my life is affecting my mood with my kids.  It is so ridiculous that we can’t go from the house to the car to go somewhere and not have issues finding something.  I used to be very good at keeping track of everything amongst the disorder but as I have aged and gained a few more kids along the way, my brain space can’t hold on to as much.

Another way it is affecting my kids is this… when I ask them to do something it is too overwhelming because things are too messy and hard to comprehend.  Right now, it is Emma’s job to feed the cats and I would love for her to take on the scooping of the kitty litter each day.  But, right now, the path to the food and litter is blocked by a huge pile of laundry.  The pile serves a purpose but looks terrible and doesn’t work well for the purpose it is serving.  So, who cares and why am I telling you this.  I really don’t know.  I just need to bang this out on keyboard to see if it will clear itself out in my head.  I need to find a way to keep the cat food (and poo) eating dog and the kitty litter digging baby out of the space while still allowing Emma easy access.

Today (much like this post) has been up and down and up and down for me.  Primarily up… which is good.  The yuk came in the form of a dream.  The bonus here… I was asleep in order to dream.  The downside, someone very close and important to me died in the dream.  One of those very real dreams and it was hard to wake up from it and then when I did, it was hard to shake the feelings that were a part of the dream.  So, needless to say, I did try to make a change in the relationship I have with that person and it was a good thing.  Pretty sure.  Will find out in the next few weeks when I keep showing up on that person’s door step.

The other yuk moment was during the ‘let’s get the living room picked up before we go to the farm’ time.  The girls could not believe I needed them to clean it all.  The WHOLE thing.  Emma was crying on the phone to my mom (literally) about having to do this incredibly unfair job.  Clearly I have done something wrong and need to back up and fix it before it is way too late.  So, part of this The Way I Live journey is admitting I have problems, acknowledging they are real and not just talking about it, but FIXING it.  The living room did get picked up.  The girls did live through it but it wasn’t an easy thing for them to do.  But guess what? They were proud of it and how it felt when we got home.  So, some good came from it.  Now… to maintain.

Worked out this morning.  Was late getting there (remember the dream and the sleep and the fuzzy fog I was in).  Had a nice workout.  Finished everything that was asked of me.  Came home and ZONKED out.  Woke up to Sophia giving me kisses.  She is learning the noise that goes with kissing.  You know, the smooch sound.

Ran a bunch of errands after getting back from the farm.  Just had Olivia and Sophia so it was not as challenging.  Picked up a cute chair from someone in town that was getting rid of it.  Yesterday I picked up a comforter set from another lady as well.  I am going to put them in Olivia/Sophia’s room (Olivia sleeps wherever Emma is but has a room with Sophia).  It really makes no sense but she is basically a middle kid and a drifter.

Anyway, getting those errands done the last couple of days felt good.  No, Jodi… I am not going to become a huge fan of errands, but getting some things crossed off the list felt damn good. 

Have you ever heard people say, “If only I was motivated to do something about this or that?”  Well, I am learning that motivation is not the key ingredient.  ACTION is.  Action leads you to more action and more action and changes occur because of ACTION, not because of motivation.  Everyone has motivation.  Everyone!  What some of us are lacking and don’t realize is ACTION.  So, if you are considering making changes in your life stop looking to be ‘moved by motivation’.  Let the action take over and you will find yourself humming right along after a few weeks pass.

Off to bed.  Need to get ready for humpday tomorrow (which as you read this is today), but I am writing on Tuesday night so… sorry to confuse anyone. 

Onward!

The Way I Live… [6-18-12]

The way I live my life continues to move forward.  I have visions of the changes I want to make in my life.  I am taking my medicine.  I am working out and doing it as a morning person.  That right there… BIG CHANGE.  I will not drink coffee though.  Just not going to be a coffee drinker – ever.

Did a 5am run today.  Didn’t feel great.  That I can tell you.  But, I am pleased to report I made it through and my next run is a milestone, but you will have to wait until Wednesday for that.  Today during the run, I had a million thoughts going through my head and no place to write them down so I pulled out my phone and decided to do a video memo to myself.  While I was doing it, too ladies went RUNNING by.  Wanna see?  Maybe someday I will show you when I figure out how to make the video not include the part of me having a video chat with myself and it is turned to the side 90 degrees so that is distracting from the footage as well. 

Made a goal or two the other day during a conference call with one of my fitness groups.  My cousin, Toni, has started a small group and we are on a 12 week Journey to Fit together.  Jodi has talked about it over at www.touchingyourheart.net as well.  I am too tired to link and figure out all that stuff right now so just making mention.  Anyway, after the call, Amanda decided we should make some goals for us to reach or work on prior to our next phone call.  It must be the Pink Papaya leadership training she is doing that brought her to this idea.  If you have not “Liked” her Pink Papaya Facebook page… then you should.  I want everyone to just go there and push like.  I totally don’t care if you ever in a million years intend to see what Pink Papaya is, just “Like” the page.  If you end up liking the products by accident someday, great.

Anyway… my disjointed writing strikes again!  The goals we looked at for ourselves included a) getting enough sleep, b) taking our vitamins/meds regularly and c) eat 2 nutritious snacks each day.  Well, I have been taking my meds and am adding in vitamin B in tomorrow. 

Problem… my sleep has been HORRIBLE.  For the last two nights, up until 3:00.  A complete struggle.  So, tonight I hope that changes.  Also, forgot to snack at all this afternoon so, there went that.

I started the post talking about the changes and visions I have and haven’t come completely clean with everyone yet.  This is the part where I can’t decide how honest and open and raw I am willing to go in this section of my blog.  I know people still want to see and enjoy pictures which I will be sure to get back to posting now that I have an easy way to post… but this journey and The Way I Live is important to me.  And I want to be accountable and make the changes that I need to make.  I just need to decide I am willing to share it all and put it all on the line. 

For now, I am ooober tired.  I have to get up at 4:40 so I can go take care of me for a bit.  Looking forward to Wednesday’s run and scared of it all at the same time.  For now, just going to try and take care of my sleep.

Onward!

The Way I Live… [6-18-12]

The way I live my life continues to move forward.  I have visions of the changes I want to make in my life.  I am taking my medicine.  I am working out and doing it as a morning person.  That right there… BIG CHANGE.  I will not drink coffee though.  Just not going to be a coffee drinker – ever.

Did a 5am run today.  Didn’t feel great.  That I can tell you.  But, I am pleased to report I made it through and my next run is a milestone, but you will have to wait until Wednesday for that.  Today during the run, I had a million thoughts going through my head and no place to write them down so I pulled out my phone and decided to do a video memo to myself.  While I was doing it, too ladies went RUNNING by.  Wanna see?  Maybe someday I will show you when I figure out how to make the video not include the part of me having a video chat with myself and it is turned to the side 90 degrees so that is distracting from the footage as well. 

Made a goal or two the other day during a conference call with one of my fitness groups.  My cousin, Toni, has started a small group and we are on a 12 week Journey to Fit together.  Jodi has talked about it over at www.touchingyourheart.net as well.  I am too tired to link and figure out all that stuff right now so just making mention.  Anyway, after the call, Amanda decided we should make some goals for us to reach or work on prior to our next phone call.  It must be the Pink Papaya leadership training she is doing that brought her to this idea.  If you have not “Liked” her Pink Papaya Facebook page… then you should.  I want everyone to just go there and push like.  I totally don’t care if you ever in a million years intend to see what Pink Papaya is, just “Like” the page.  If you end up liking the products by accident someday, great.

Anyway… my disjointed writing strikes again!  The goals we looked at for ourselves included a) getting enough sleep, b) taking our vitamins/meds regularly and c) eat 2 nutritious snacks each day.  Well, I have been taking my meds and am adding in vitamin B in tomorrow. 

Problem… my sleep has been HORRIBLE.  For the last two nights, up until 3:00.  A complete struggle.  So, tonight I hope that changes.  Also, forgot to snack at all this afternoon so, there went that.

I started the post talking about the changes and visions I have and haven’t come completely clean with everyone yet.  This is the part where I can’t decide how honest and open and raw I am willing to go in this section of my blog.  I know people still want to see and enjoy pictures which I will be sure to get back to posting now that I have an easy way to post… but this journey and The Way I Live is important to me.  And I want to be accountable and make the changes that I need to make.  I just need to decide I am willing to share it all and put it all on the line. 

For now, I am ooober tired.  I have to get up at 4:40 so I can go take care of me for a bit.  Looking forward to Wednesday’s run and scared of it all at the same time.  For now, just going to try and take care of my sleep.

Onward!

Emma, Olivia, and Sophia… The little one is something else! [6-14-12]

It’s Flag Day and I am feeling bad that I didn’t put out my flag.  Thought about it on several occasions, but my mood was sort of off today.  Well, okay not sort of… it was completely off.  Lack of sleep is the primary cause for today.  Sophia and I have both been a bit under the weather this week.  Off to see Dr. Dixie for an adjustment for Sophia today and going to medical doctor tomorrow.  Going to see if we can find the cause of her cranky moods.  If they don’t find anything at the medical doctor, I will just have to blame the last two days on not having a paci.  Thought we could get rid of it, but I don’t have it in me just yet.

The remainder of this post is going to be FULL of images.  My cousin, Eden, was about to ask me about the girls and needing an update the other day and baam… I posted what I had of the girls at the fire.  Eden, be sure to tell Uncle Buk we were thinking of him during our fire festivities.

Tonight, the weather was quite lovely and I was outside with the girls for a bit.  So I decided with some potentially dreamy light on the horizon I would grab my camera.  Plus, Sophia was a total mess and sometimes it is just as important to capture boogery noses as it is to get the pretty dresses and shoes they never wear pictures.  Also, I was going to get Emma to take some pics as well.  Again, all three girls were AS IS.  No primping and fluffing of the hair for this ‘photo shoot’.

Here we go…

Miss Sophia trying to climb the terrace wall.  She is a climber.  Climbed her way out of the bathtub today and fell right out. Maybe that explains why we needed to see Dr. Dixie?

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And she has a thing about eating dirt.  Not sure what it is about dirt but she loves it.

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Face doesn’t show as much dirt and grime from this distance.  I should zoom this and see what I get.

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So, Olivia, my most willing subject these days plunked herself down and was going to pose.  Sophia, climbed right in and was going to be a part of this whole process.

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My posing queen.  No processing on these images, but I am going to play around once I get done working on Carrie’s baby girl’s pics.  They are on my list of things to do while Chad plays golf this weekend.

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And a bit of talking and adjusting.

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Sophia was less than helpful for Emma’s turn.

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Here she is.  My first girl.  Pretty sweet when she sits still and lets me take her picture.

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The green grass on her head is for Lindsey.  She is all about Lindsey when she wants to be and when green is somewhere fun and different.  Also, Lindsey… She is growing her hair out to donate.  In your honor!

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And… Olivia was less than helpful as well.

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So, while I was loving the light in front of me… This is what I turn around to find.  The neigbor’s cat, our cat, and a muddy little girl.  Some would swoop in and get the kid out of there, but not me.  She was already dirty… it was time for pictures.

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Please note, she does not like stuff on her feet.  If she gets a crumb or something stuck to her foot when she is walking, she stops and sits down to try and pick it off. 

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The mud was not coming off!

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This image will make more sense in a bit.  But there is a resemblance to someone in her family.

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And she is off and done.

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Well….

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Maybe not.  This was sort of fun.  Let me see if the mud will get the mud off.

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Woops, she did slip a little getting back in.

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It really isn’t all that bad.

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And… even though I am a handful… I am super cute!

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And.. for those following my journey to better health and fitness… here is my before image.  And do you see the family resemblance? 

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And for anyone that made it through all those pictures.  You deserve a gold star.  So, point your finger in the air and draw yourself one right now.

The Way I Live… [6-12-12]

May I begin by saying, what the hell… June 12th.  Really, it is already June 12th.  Which is a lovely reminder – GO VOTE if you are local.

The Way I Live is an interesting place.  I tried to blog last night about something really important, but I didn’t work out yesterday.  I didn’t do much at all.  And as a result, I was all blah.  I have another reason I am blah and that is because I have not been taking my vitamin D. I am off to buy more today. Can’t find the two bottles I bought in May.  That is one of the down sides of the way I live my life.  Disorganization is costly.

My life is a work in progress and as I am pulling my way back into the world of the happy and alive from the craptastic year of no sun and sleeping all the time (although I need to point out… LOVED being with my baby girl).

Again… off topic.  Maybe the theme of my blog posts are going to be the incredible disjointedness that is my writing.

Okay, today is a new day.  Right?  Of course it is.  So… here I go.

I got up and went to work out.  It was incredibly hard to do the things I was asked today.  My body was tired.  Not sure my sleep is all that great.  Particularly after Chad told me I was not breathing the other night.  That’s always a shocking thing to hear.  I also planned to go do my run (using that term very loosely) after my weight training.  So, off I went and had myself all psyched out and not wanting to run at all.  But, I decided it can’t hurt to try and then you are done with W4D1 of C25K and you can say… DONE.  So, I ran all but 2.5 minutes of the running parts.  Not too bad for someone with no energy who was cold and is not feeling well.  Jodi and Amanda were there and they were looking mighty fine running around the track.  They even did some running together so I snapped some phone pics (not good ones but snapped them anyway).  Don’t forget to follow Jodi’s journey at www.touchingyourheart.net (my sister blog).  I have some posts over there as well from long ago. 

While I was running I did some thinking.  Last night I tried and tried to blog and had so little to say.  Jodi told me… don’t force it.  So, I didn’t.  The blog I wrote disappeared from my program I am using and that is fine. It wasn’t all that incredible anyway.

While I was running today I was thinking about the fact that I had done some counseling this year and need to quick share my thoughts.  While I know there are great counselors out there in the world, I have yet to find one for me.  When I went to a psychologist a few years back he and I clicked but he was in Bismarck and suggested I see a counselor more local.  Well, having no follow through in my life, I didn’t do that.  When my first marriage was falling apart I had hoped to find a marriage counselor to help figure things out.  That was a disaster and is a story for another day.  Needless to say, I was in contact and unsuccessful with 3 counselors in a few short weeks.  Part of me wonders if I have a hard time finding a counselor person because if I don’t like what they say I may give up too soon, but I really don’t know if that is it.  This last time around, I went to a lady weekly, complained about my life, didn’t solve a single issue and was given no tools to help me get through each day.  The one thing I did gain from this lady was… Depression is a hard thing to deal with.  People who have never been there don’t get it.  People who are in it… not sure they get it either when it is new to them.  She mentioned needing to dig my way out of the depression and that is something that stuck with me.  It feels like clawing your way out of a hole.  A hole that you didn’t know you were in.

So, get to the point Robin… get to the point.  I want to say that while I am writing about my own experiences right now, everyone is going to be different.  I am going to continue to take my meds for PMDD/depression, I am not going to try to find a new counselor (I have one living across the street), I am going to to continue my workouts and I know they are helping me, I am going to continue my vitamin D (and start some B after I go shopping for them today), and I am going to keep writing.  There are many different ways to dig out of the hole and I am going to try this one for now.

Just for Today:
1.  Workouts complete.
2.  Chiro appointment (yippy for me!!!)
3.  Drinking a protein drink (and it isn’t too nasty)
4.  Going to go nap while my kids are still asleep. (I could stay up and do stuff, but this is my chance to rest and since I am sick… going to do it.)
5.  Water intake is a GOAL for today.  I have been dropping the ball on my water these last few days.

Onward!